So I got bored..

I read through a lot of my old entries. And I doesn't even seen like it's me typing those things. I could tell by my entries that freshman year, my friends were the most important thing to me. It's like my life revolved around school, friends, and family. That's how it should be right? I was pretty content at that time, but I know there was still something missing. There is always something missing in my life. Then 2nd semester, I started my slow transition into who I am right now. I got my first serious boyfriend, tried many things, and did stuff that I dared not think of before. It seems so weird now to look back on how I use to be. I can't say if I miss it or not, but times change. People change. You can't really prevent that when we are exposed to so many different people, ideas, and things. I was kind of a dork back then. I still am, but not that big of a dork. It's like nothing was that important to me or meant so much to me. I still can't express how weird it is that I've changed so much. I've done so many things that I swore to myself that I wouldn't do. I still am. I don't regret it. Hopefully I'll learn from my mistakes..soon.

I put up with so much shit. Why do I do that when I could just end it all in a blink of an eye? Is it because I'm afraid? I'm not afraid. Because I'll get hurt? I'm already hurt. Then what is it? I'm just so damn confused. Words hurt. They hurt bad. Especially coming from someone you love and care about so much. Yet they still don't believe you when you say that. That hurts even more. The fact that you can't be trusted and that's one of you few wants. I don't ask for a lot. Not a lot at all. I'm not spoiled when it comes to certain things. I know whats right and wrong, yet I choose to not follow my own ethics. I don't know whats wrong with me. I just can't let go. And that my friends will either make me or break me.