Started Decent, Ended Crummy.

Today was alright. It was extremely tired after only getting about four hours of sleep. Like always, first period was miserable. I feel like such an outcast in there. Second was pretty good up until the point where two major preps started bitching about how life is miserable and they hate their boyfriends. It made me extremely irritated! I was very irritable! Haha. I was then asked why "I always look mad". I hate it when people ask me that. Cause I'm usually not mad. I hate that. My plain old face looks naturally mad. I hate it. My mom is the same way. Figures where I get it from. Third sucked. I just listened to music and studied for my Spanish test. Fourth was nice. I talked to my buddy Gerald. I like talking to him. He's fun! One good thing did happen today. I found out that I'm making an A in Geometry. Yay. Band was cool. I love that class. I get to see my friends, and no one there makes me sad. We didn't have a sub, so everyone was acting like wild monkey children. I sad in the corner with Melissa and Stacy and listened to some music. I mingled a tad bit and then lunch rolled around. Lunch was nice, but it was freezing outside. I wish Macho Mason would have warmed me up. Ha. Jk. There was so going to be a chick fight. It would have been amusing to watch ghetto chicks fight. Sixth period was alright. I was really tired, and had a major headache. Jon kept harassing me and what not the whole period. Ha jk. Poor Miss Scharmann. I feel so sorry for her. Everyone is mean to her. Seventh period rolled around, and I was dreading the Spanish test we had. Luckily we had a sub. She was so cute, sweet, and old! I just love old people. The test was really simple. I'm pretty sure I did good on it. Eighth period sucked like always. It's just like first period. I feel like a total outcast. There are so many idiotic freshman in there. It's horrible. I think that's why I don't have any trouble going in front of the class and talking. I could care less what those kids think of me. Finally, the bell rang. I was freaking happy. The day was long and I was tired. I hung out with Jon for a little while after school and then went to meet up with Isaac. I met up with him at the bandhall, and decided to go to his house to hang out. Let's just say, some stuff erupted later that day. Moving on..

I can't possibly wait for today! It's going to be a blast. Me and a bunch of other people are crashing at Melissa's casa. It's gonna be like 9 freaking people! What makes it even greater is that Brian and Eric are suppose to go. I missed my macho bros. Yeah, so I actually have plans for this weekend than the usual stuff. How exciting! I hope Kristin goes. She got teeth pulled out this week. My poor mija. I hope she gets better fast! I also have some more plans for today that I'm excited about.

Sunday, I have an ensemble and trio practice. We really need to practice! Solo and freaking ensemble is next Friday. Are we ready? I hope we can get everything together and sounding good by then. I really want to go to state. It would be quite an experience.

I've been think about creating a 'secret journal' like one of my friends has. This one is just for my friends to read and what not. The other one would be for me and only me. To release my frustrations and tell everything! Too bad no one will know if I really do create one. Well that's all that I have for now. I'll update later on how my weekend went. Bye all.

It's been awhile

I haven't updated in ten days I believe. Well not much has been going on. Just the usual shit. Just drama drama drama. And it seems like I'm always the one that gets caught in the middle and gets hurt. It sucks. Well this month has been going by quickly. I can't wait till schools out and I don't have to deal with all these stupid ass people. I'm tired of it already. I'd rather sleep than go to school. I've been so stressed mentally and physically. I'm not getting enough sleep, and all these things bother me and keep on replaying in my mind. I'm dumb and I don't know what I want anymore. I always end up getting hurt or being afraid that I'm going to hurt someone. I'm way to nice. If I stuck up for myself more, I probably wouldn't be in this situation. I just fall into it over and over again. And I'm truly fucking stupid for that. I guess that's why they call it 'life'.

Well Valentines Day was pretty interesting. Usually I dread this day. Of course I do celebrate it with my close friends and loved ones. I hate being lonely on Valentines Day, but it was technically like that this year. I don't know what to say about that. It was interesting and nice. I really liked the things I got from people. Especially from a certain someone. [Mmm..Melissa ha jk] Unfortunately, some stuff happened later that night. It made me feel like a real bitch, and I'm still sorry. I hope you understand.

I got to talk to my best-friend Brian! It was so nice talking to him. We talked on the phone for quite a while. I told him about all the shit that's going on right now and he gave me some advice. He even criticized me for some things that I did, but I deserved it. He's coming down tomorrow and I can't wait! I miss him! Eric was also here this week! I missed him too. Saturday, I'm planning on sleeping over at Melissa's house and just hanging out with the guys. I'm guaranteed to have a blast. Well that's all that I've got for now. No instruments tomorrow! Yes! Bye.

So it's finally February.

The year is going by fast. Just about three more months of school left. Now that I think about it, last year was a pretty crazy time for me. I had been in a on and off relationship with Jesse, and things weren't going to tell. Then we broke up and it was kind of chaotic. Then I met back up with Isaac, and the feelings were still there after three long years. I missed him. We dated till around December, and things got kind of rough. We managed to stay close to each other, and we still are. We're not going out, but he's been wanting me to stick around. We're pretty close, and I honestly don't want anyone else besides him. In my heart, he's my everything. But he can't see that. Part of me doesn't want him to know, because I don't want him to disapproved of this overwhelming feeling I have for him. I thought I didn't, but last night I realized, I love this boy. I truly do. I don't know what he wants from me anymore. I don't know what I have to do to be with him. I just don't know. But if that happens to be something he doesn't want, I'll get over it. I'd rather it be meant to be, then just me wanting and wishing it to be. That sounds weird. Ha. But you know what I mean. So now I'm here. I don't know what's up with us. While we were sitting on this bench, he leaned over for a kiss..and then he smiled so sweetly and said I love you. That made me smile, and does everytime I think about it. Then he held my hand the ride home from Corpus. Oh and to top off the night. We had a beautiful, deep conversation. He told me things that meant so much to him. I will cherish those secrets forever. I don't know what to do. Should I wait for him like I really do want to, or should I move on to another hopeful like he wants me to?? He wants me to move on. He thinks it's that fucking easy. Well it's not. I've been talking to other guys, but they don't give me the special feeling that I get from him. It's like I can't look at another kind in that way. I can't see us together. It's weird. Everything that is going on is weird. I'm pretty sure a lot of people will think that once they read this. I even think it's weird. I think it's crazy sometimes. But there is so much more to the story. If you knew, then you'd understand.

Last week was alright. We had early release on Wednesday and we also got our progress reports. I barely passed Spanish with a 70! I'm pretty sure that grade went lower because I failed a recent test that wasn't put in our progress reports. This means I have to study hard and long for our test on Tuesday. Thursday I went to watch Big Mama's House part 2 with my friend John. It was fun. I tried forced feeding him Butterfingers. Ha. We couldn't stop cracking up when 'Big Mama' was in a bathing suit. It was truly disturbing. Lmao. We got Friday off on account of that Livestock Hooplah. I saw When a Stranger Calls with Isaac. That movie wasn't as great as I expected it to be. There were a few scary scenes. The lead actress sucked, her bushy eyebrows bothered me, it hardly scared me, and it sucked! Yesterday I was suppose to go to the movies with a few friends but I didn't make it back from Corpus on time. I went to Corpus with Isaac, his friend Daniel, and his girlfriend. We basically got there in about twenty-five minutes. That's what happens when everyone on the highway is going 90. There were like no cop what so ever on the highway. It was pretty crazy. We just went to the mall. I didn't buy anything except Chocolate covered almonds and gummy bears. What can I say, I'm menstrual. All that chocolate relieved my bitchyness. Ha, I had fun making fun of people with Isaac. There were a lot of strange people. I couldn't help myself. After all that, we went to Burger King. I had fun. Then we headed back home. I hung out with him till around 1. I enjoyed every moment of it.

Whooo..Superbowl Sunday! Too bad I don't like football. I'm only going to watch the commercials, and go buy 50 chicken mcnuggets at McDonalds! I'm such a fatty. I'm suppose to go hang out with Isaac today. Well it's getting late and I need to shower. I'll update whenever. Bye all!